The struggle with not knowing

I remember one of my professors in college told us that she had stopped asking herself whether her work is making a real impact in people's lives, because she learned to let go. Her point is that she would never know if her teaching effected people's thinking, and would never get to see it for that matter, so it's no use to obsess over it.

I have been struggling with not knowing. Maybe it's from being an engineer, I always count on a definitive answer in the form of a number. I looked back at some personal choices I've made in the past, then caught myself asking questions that cannot be answered. I am talking about the "if only I had done/said that", "what if I had chosen my advisor more carefully back then", etc. Then I remind myself that the what-if case scenario cannot be compared to the reality I am living in right now, because no matter what I choose, most likely I live not knowing where the other path would lead to. Like my professor, I am trying to let go of the habit of always wanting to know. I might just be happier with not knowing...we'll see.



"Look back and smile, but don't yearn to go back"---Unknown

"Real love, I've learned, is a very, very strong form of forgiveness. I don't think people yearn for love because they hate staying home alone on Saturday night or because they dread going into restaurants alone. People want love because they want their taped-together glasses or the extra pounds to be forgiven. They want someone to look past the surface stuff like bad-hair days, a too-loud laugh or potato chips crunching in their living room couch when anyone sits down."

---Lois Smith Brady