"We make choices, which then affect our brain chemistry. In trying to be scientific, we often reverse the relationship". ------ letter to the editor, TIME magazine


It makes sense to me that morality starts in the heart, not the head.

To be or not to be

When I first went into grad. school, I thought things were set in place and I am on track. But second year into the program, I feel more and more grim...could it be my professor's lack of interest in my work or my own lack of interest? Or maybe both. There appears to be indicators that this is not what I bargained for when I first signed up for research. Maybe I had been naive about certain aspects of grad. schools. Now I am more confused than ever, and debating whether I should quit or not. Because I can't switch to a different lab since I am on M.S track, and M.S candidates are basically the black sheeps in this department.

I found this nice website from Berkeley that quantifies the dissatisfaction among grad. students. And it showed a quote that exemplifies the feeling of many women grad. students:

"I have seriously considered quitting many times, but I am not a quitter. I feel that my advisor would prefer someone who can put all efforts into school, but I simply cannot without making myself sick. I've been there and won't do it again! If it weren't for my stubbornness and support from my friends, I would have quit. In the end, I think I'll be very glad that I didn't. I'm even considering my PhD!"

I, too, am a stubborn person. But i can't help to wonder is it worth it in my case?

The centerpiece of centerpieces

This magenta hanging heart by Jeff Koons caught my eyes on the NY times website. Some people described Koons's style to be mainly on kitsch objects. But I guess kitsch is the essence of contemporary art, especially after Andy Warhol's work. Now, only if I have a big house to place this and 15-20 million dollars to bid for it @ Sotheby's... : )

Floor plan of the heart

Reading this book is looking at relationship from a technical, neo-scientific point of view (words like love right triangle, psychological hypochondria, romantic inflation). De Botton offers some great insight into the psyche of the man and woman. In a TIME article, it is written "The pages of the novel are sprinkled with diagrams, floor plans of the heart and even a picture of a can of Campbell's soup-which reflect, in their way, the games and strategies we practice in love. "I love you," De Botton realizes, can be a question, a prompt or an opening bid". So far, my favorite paragraphs from the book are-->

"If Alice couldn't possibly have been falling in love with Eric, then she was perhaps falling in love with love.

It expressed a certain reflexivity about the amorous state, it meant deriving more pleasure from one's own emotional enthusiasm than from the object of affection which had elicited it.

Rather than simply holding that X was wonderful, the in-love-with-love lover would first think, Isn't it wonderful to have found someone as wonderful as X? When Eric stopped to tie up his shoe lace, Alice thought not just, Doesn't he look adorable tying up his shoe? but also, Isn't it a dream to have at last met someone who I find ties up their shoes in an adorable way?"

This book makes me feel self-conscious at times, and through an outsider's perspective (de Botton's), now I can see that the slippery slope is always closer and more slippery than it is from the insider's perspective. Maybe I should buy this as a reference and a reminder.

Inspirational

Article on Mario Capecchi, a Ute professor who won the Nobel Price for Medicine this year.
http://healthcare.utah.edu/capecchi/rags_research.pdf

"Capecchi credits his love of pursuing big questions to James Watson, co-discoverer of the DNA double helix, who was his PhDsupervisor at Harvard University.[...]But Capecchi’s relationship with his famously outspoken mentor wasn’t without friction. He recalls the time they disagreed over the results of an experiment,on the rates at which the subunits of ribosomes, the cellular bodies that make proteins, come together and separate. Capecchi was not convinced by the data and suspected that an unknown protein might be involved. He wanted to repeat the work;Watson thought the case was closed. When the argument escalated, Capecchi threw glass plates bearing key data into the bin, ensuring that he would not have to publish the results. Colleagues ducked for cover as Watson exploded in fury and showered Capecchi with expletives. “I came that close to being thrown out of the lab,”Capecchi says. But he was right — a few years later a ribosomal dissociation factor was discovered"

Nice.

Starry Night over the Rhone, by Van Gogh

  Online quizzes -->  one of my guilty pleasures. Thanks Tanya for finding the site. :)

I took the "scents and sensibility" quiz on gURL.com
		My aroma personality is... leaf Are you a bit detached? Often lost in your thoughts? Then you probably fit the profile of Worwood's leaf types, who are the absent-minded professors of the world. (Einstein was probably a leafie.) Read more... What's your aroma persona?

I took the "the temperment type" quiz on gURL.com
		I am... melancholic According to Galen's ancient theory of temperaments, people with melancholic temperaments are often perfectionists, and are analytically oriented. They are said to be sensitive and loving, but may also be hard to please because of their high standards. Read more... What's your temperment?

  No... I don't have that high of standards.

I took the "What's So Funny?" quiz on gURL.com
		My sense of humor is... Satirical Do you think comedy can serve a higher purpose? Or maybe you just like poking fun at people. Either way, you seem to enjoy satirical humor. Satire is the use of irony and wit to expose the unethical or just plain ridiculous aspects of society. Read more... What is your sense of humor?

SF

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I love this poem. Reading it keeps me feeling serene, like something that calms a storm at sea.

Footprints in the Sand


One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with the LORD.


Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to the LORD.


When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.


He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.


He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.


This really bothered him and he
questioned the LORD about it:


"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied:

"My precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,

it was then that I carried you."

Safety Training

At the annual safety training today, the microfabrication lab gave out little awards to the student users. It sort of reminded me of the Dundie award given at Dunder-Mifflin in The Office.

First, there was the "Lab Rat" award, given to this guy who spent close to 2,000 hours in the lab during the past year(?). I see this dude all the time in the lab, and he always look stoic and sometimes he even looked stoned, for lack of a better word. Now i understand why, I would acquire that look too if I was a Lab Rat. Second award was the "Lab Mouse", who is the second runner-up to the Lab Rat, I also see this guy alot in the lab. And there was another award given to the person who gets locked out the most, because he forgot to swipe his card to log out. Unfortunately that recipient wasn't present to receive the award, the staffs figured he was locked out again.

Then there was the safety highlight, and instructions on what to do when deadly chemicals are spilled on the body. We were told that last year, one student had a few drops of HF (hazardous acids, which can cause cardiac arrest at high concentration) spilled around the neck, and that kid did NOT immediately call poison control to get help, but decided to finish the experiment so as not to waste the effort. "That's dedication!" someone said from the crowd.

~Sunday Hike~

  I need to hike more often.

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  We saw four lakes in 2.5 hours, that's record breaking, at least for me.

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Ignorance is what it is.

I am sitting in the ICC computer lab right now, unintentionally listening to some Freshman/Sophomore talking over their homework (the lab is too small to not hear other ppl talk), apparently they were laughing over the problem statement because it indicated that the boss in the problem assignment is a she. The guys laughed briefly about that, "what was that about, she?", "Yeah, I saw that too, haha".

Seriously, is Utah culture really that behind???!!! (I hope one of those guys end up working for a woman).

Summer BBQ

Ok, I didn't just had a BBQ last week, I actually accomplished more hanging-out-with-friends than usual (which is to say I accomplished less at the lab). First it was hiking at the scenic White Pine (saw a Moose), followed by Bayou, then BBQ at Lansia's house, and then the Art Festival in the library square. I am simply exhausted.





My latest addiction: Harry Potter! Can't wait to see how J.K. Rowling will wrap things up in the final book, when Harry battles the nose-less one.

My moral dilemma

I was faced with a dilemma today. While browsing in the cafeteria, I absentmindedly picked up some breadsticks, which were wrapped in foil paper inside another paper holder. The breadsticks slid out of the paper holder and fell on the floor while I was too busy checking out the hot buffalo wings. I picked up the breadsticks still wrapped in foil, and panicked for a second, knowing that the breadstick wrappers are contaminated with germs. I had two options going through my mind: a) grab the breadsticks and pay for it, even if I were to throw it in the trash. b) simply put it back and let the next unlucky guy get it.

After some thinking, I placed the breadsticks by a stack of trays, and let the bit of messy foil wrapper come out at one end, hoping no one would touch it based on the lousy appearance...and by the end of the day it would be disposed.

Playing on the radio...

Sweet! A song about me. : P Although I think the singer is a bit emo.

"Jenny" by Click Five.

----------

She calls me baby, then she won't call me.
Says she adores me and then ignores me.
Jenny, what's the problem?
She keeps her distance and sits on fences.
Puts up resistance and builds defenses.

Jenny, what's the problem?
You leave me hanging on the line.
Every time you change your mind.

First You say you won't, then you say you will.
You keep me hanging on, and we're not moving on.
We're standing still, Jenny. You got me on my knees.
Jenny, it's killing me.

She needs her own space. She's playing mind games.
Ends up at my place saying that she's changed.
Jenny, what's the problem?
I'm trying to read between the lines.
You got me going out of my mind.

First, you say you won't, then you say you will.
You keep me hanging on, and we're not moving on.
We're standing still, Jenny. You got me on my knees.
Jenny, it's killing me. It's killing me. It's killing me.
Jenny.

First, you say you won't, then you say you will.
You keep me hanging on, and we're not moving on.
We're standing still, Jenny. You got me on my knees.
Jenny.

First, you say you won't, then you say you will.
You keep me hanging on, and we're not moving on.
We're standing still, Jenny. You got me on my knees.
Jenny. It's killing me. It's killing me. Jenny.

Where is my honey?

So I guess this is a serious phenomenon that doesn't get a lot of media attention (yet). But apparently honeybees are disappearing in an alarming rate (see NY Times article), and it directly effects the pollination of the 1,000 or so species of plants that bees pollinate every summer. And that, in turn, effects the supply/pricing of fruits and wheat products in the supermarket. Although no one knows for sure why this is happening, some people are blaming the overwhelming cell phone and wireless internet frequencies for interfering with the honeybees' routine. And I think that's actually a good theory, experiments have shown that bees can get lost if placed near a cell phone device, because a lot of animals have very high sensitivity to signal frequency (i.e. frequencies from radio or wireless device) relative to our human sensor system.

I have a newfound appreciation for the honeybees (they pollinate more than $14 billion worth of crops). And you can always count on humans to screw up things in nature.

My dress dilemma is FINALLY solved. I just purchased this BCBG jersey dress (in Mahogany color, NOT rouge colored ) for under $100. : ) So...who will get marry this year? Since the only time I put on a nice dress is at wedding attendance, so that's my excuse to wear the new dress.

Colleague: Oh my God, the professor didn't even say "Hi" to me when I was standing in front of him, it's like I am invisible to him.

Me [trying to give comic relief]: uhh...maybe it's your new hair cut, he doesn't recognize you.

Colleague: That's sad, he just cares about that paper you were holding, he doesn't care about me as a person.

Me: Oh, I should have let you hold the paper then, sorry.

It feels like Limbo

I have always pride myself in having a good immune system. But I guess not getting sick in a long time means when I do get sick, it is a KILLER. Spring break has turned into fever and a cold, among other things. My head is drowsy even without medication, and it feels like the world is drifting around me. More than anything, I am mad at myself, for wasting the precious spring break, getting stuck resting at home 6pm on a Friday night. Arggghh

Got a hair trim today. Gateway is extra pleasant in the morning when all the stores are closed. No screaming kids running around because the parents are not watching them.

I read my old Xanga posts, and I am truly surprised at how many posts I have written over the past two and something years. And I must say, my life was more interesting than I give credit for. Just grateful for what I have. Now, time to get back to lab work, and deal with a supervisor who appearantly DOES NOT listen to ppl when they are talking.

On a vanity note: BCBG stands for Bon Chic Bon Genre (translation: good style, good attitude)...and it's coming to the outlet stores @ PC.