I think I think too much...

Food for thought

I always appreciate an honest, insightful essay. :)

http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/04/08/o.why.i.alone/index.html


"You do it for the broader vision, for the expansion itself, which will build on itself till your life will have levels and depths you never thought possible. You do it in order to be fully present at each moment of your life. When you are, anything can happen. When you're shut down by fear, not much will. And you do it because when you're in that larger place, you get to see, once and for all, there's really nothing out there."

Realized...

We are all drifters.

"人是矛盾的。

起碼我是這樣的一個人。

要糜爛，也要覺醒。

要破碎，也要完整。

要遺憾，也要圓滿。

要世故，也要純真。

要順從，也要叛逆。

要精明，也要糊塗。

要甜蜜，也要痛苦。

要抓住，也要放手。

要波瀾，也要平靜。

要飛昇，也要下墜。

要天堂，也要地獄。

要當下，也要彼岸。

要清醒，也要遺忘。

要去夢想那不可能的夢想，也要去夢想那有可能的夢想。"---張小嫻

Solidarity

As part of my Christmas present, I received Amy Tan's latest book The opposite of fate. I have not yet finished reading, but it's been enjoyable thus far. I found solidarity in her stories about her family, which is described to be "dysfunctional". Now, I have a more objective understanding of my mom's behavior, and why she is the way she is. And I can tell myself that, even when my own mother doesn't support my choices or tells me that I will not succeed, it's not doomsday and life goes on. I appreciate Amy Tan's sense of humor amid the tough time she had to experience as a young adult, because life can feel unbearable if you lack a sense of humor.

" For me, writing from memory is more about remembering my psychological place in the world at different stages of my life. Where did I fit in my family, or why didn't I fit. It is about remembering my evolving sense of life, from thinking life was magic, to believing it was random and meaningless, to coming around to thinking it was magic all over again".

New years's eve was spent with friends @ Z'Tejas for dinner, then hung out at Alex's place. We were shooting pools when the count-down began, followed by the usual comsumption of champagne. Anyways, happy 2008!

"We make choices, which then affect our brain chemistry. In trying to be scientific, we often reverse the relationship". ------ letter to the editor, TIME magazine


It makes sense to me that morality starts in the heart, not the head.

To be or not to be

When I first went into grad. school, I thought things were set in place and I am on track. But second year into the program, I feel more and more grim...could it be my professor's lack of interest in my work or my own lack of interest? Or maybe both. There appears to be indicators that this is not what I bargained for when I first signed up for research. Maybe I had been naive about certain aspects of grad. schools. Now I am more confused than ever, and debating whether I should quit or not. Because I can't switch to a different lab since I am on M.S track, and M.S candidates are basically the black sheeps in this department.

I found this nice website from Berkeley that quantifies the dissatisfaction among grad. students. And it showed a quote that exemplifies the feeling of many women grad. students:

"I have seriously considered quitting many times, but I am not a quitter. I feel that my advisor would prefer someone who can put all efforts into school, but I simply cannot without making myself sick. I've been there and won't do it again! If it weren't for my stubbornness and support from my friends, I would have quit. In the end, I think I'll be very glad that I didn't. I'm even considering my PhD!"

I, too, am a stubborn person. But i can't help to wonder is it worth it in my case?

The centerpiece of centerpieces

This magenta hanging heart by Jeff Koons caught my eyes on the NY times website. Some people described Koons's style to be mainly on kitsch objects. But I guess kitsch is the essence of contemporary art, especially after Andy Warhol's work. Now, only if I have a big house to place this and 15-20 million dollars to bid for it @ Sotheby's... : )